A Romantic's Guide to Finding Focus

A few days ago, I sat drinking coffee at a restaurant which overlooks a Golf Course. Most of our day is spent looking at near objects and screens. So, when you get a chance to focus in the distance of the greens, the mind reminisces.

Looking at the people playing, I pondered about my own sports experiences and habits. I remembered my wins and losses. The memories brought back the emotions of those moments and a useful lesson along with it. 

What differentiated my wins from my losses? Why did I win some and lose others? The simple answer is that I played good on one day and bad the other. But, let's dig deeper and ask, why did that happen? After all, there was no change in my skill during a small period of time. I was on my 'A' game on winning days and 'C' or 'D' on the losing ones. Why?

The answer I found was: Lack of Focus. It is a much deeper problem than it appears on the surface. It is a mindfulness problem. 

Every day, at least once, I catch myself in the act of auto-piloting my life. I execute each activity because it needs to be done and I have to move on to the next one. This is fine to an extent - you can't be expected to be mindful of every time you brush your teeth, or wash your hands. But, every once in a while, when life is dull, and you are carrying through the chores of your life, it helps to take a step back. 

Observe the present moment. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, 'Do the dishes to do the dishes'. Be deliberate with your actions. Be aware of the present and stay in it. I have written about it earlier in a post describing an epiphany I had while driving. The benefit of having this as a daily habit is that it then slides over to the activities that matter.

How do we find this focus?

Imagine the future, reading your biography and this moment described in all its wonder by a talented writer. 

"... was standing there in kitchen after a day of work. He stood there peeling an orange skin listening to music. This was a ritual to him. The act of peeling was like taking off a layer of burden after returning home...."

This visualization makes any ordinary moment special. You will perhaps be able to find more focus in the act at hand, knowing that it is a story in your biography. Or you could imagine yourself as part of a movie. The present moment then becomes a part of a scene which people are paying to watch. You will thus have more incentive to be focused in the present.

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I love this technique. It makes me feel good about my life. It attaches romance to every moment of my existence. Living the life becomes a performance, in a good way. You become the stars of this show. It then becomes important to put up a nice act. Smile, indulge in the moment and let the audience feel they are watching a performer who is taken over by her character. You take a form larger than your life itself. 

And in specific situations?

1. Reading

Problem: You are looking at the words but not really reading them. Often you turn pages but completely forget what happened earlier. Or you are stuck on a single page for an hour. 

Solution: When I notice that this is happening to me, I immediately stop myself and take a deep breath. Then, I imagine the scene when the words were first penned down by the author. I see the creation of the scene in the author's head, as he leans back in his chair, playing with his pen, brows furrowed and suddenly his eyes widen. He leans forward and writes down the exact words you are reading. I imagine the sense of elation, movement and progress he must have felt. And because I imagine it, sometimes I also experience that same feeling. 

For example, you can imagine me writing these words. Where am I? What time of the day could it be? Perhaps it is early Saturday morning and I am sitting in my boxer shorts. You imagine that at this stage I must have paused for a few seconds to decide what to write next....and so on.

It is tough to keep up with this technique since it is intense. But, it can serve as a way to bring back your focus to the book/article at hand and improve your reading experience multi-fold.
The same method can be applied to finding focus and appreciating the art in front of us while watching a movie, listening to music etc.

2. Exercising / Playing a sport

This is a new habit of mine (as I described in this post). I try to visualize the muscles grinding against each other. I feel the muscles being used at those moment and picture them strengthening and gaining volume (I have no idea if anything that I just said is what happens when you exercise, but I visualize it nevertheless). I feel the sweat dripping off of my back. I try to be there. It is not always possible but sometimes, yes. 

3. Creating

I thought about this long and hard, drifted off for a little while and then came back typing furiously (side note: you can imagine me doing that and enjoy reading this even more). Finding focus in creation comes from creation itself. It is one of those things that snowballs into a phenomenon where you are constantly in the zone by the sheer effect of having written/painted/clicked... something.

And if you need inspiration to get started, just take note of the present moment and how you arrived here. It will tell you enough to get going. Go back and see the first sentence of this point. This is exactly what I did when I was stuck beyond #2. 

4. Having a conversation

I have a thing I do sometimes in the middle of conversations. I look around and observe the set. Then I look into the distance and wonder. I wonder how we would look to a person from far away. Or to a novelist with us being one of the characters he is describing. I have mentioned one such moment in a post on Spiti Valley ( "I wish I could have seen ourselves from a hill 500 metres away with a binocular. That would have been cool." ). Once this is done, you would find a renewed vigor and a sense of amazement in your attitude towards the friend in front of you. Ironically, this momentary zoning out will give you more focus and enthusiasm towards the conversation you are having.

Another thing I have noticed is that people who are focused command respect and awe. Or maybe they do to me. If I find someone practicing their craft as if there is nothing else, I am immediately attracted towards them. An apt example of this comes from a movie about golf - The Greatest Game Ever Played. I won't spoil it for you but if you haven't watched the movie yet, go and do it. You'll identify the scene which I am referring to. 

Try and give this technique a shot. Perhaps, like having a perfect day a week, you could have a romantic's focus day. And unlike the former, this is much less overwhelming to practice daily.

Let me know if it works for you. All the best!

The One Skill to stick to your Resolutions

As I write this, I have multiple tabs opened up begging for my attention. My thoughts are jumping from one to another all directing me away from writing this post down.

"Maybe I should just read this article - it seems important."

"But, first I think I should put on some music, I'll be able to focus better then."

"I am thirsty, let me get some water."

"Let me just check Facebook feed for a bit."

"When's the Manchester United's match starting? I wonder if Di Maria is fit to play."

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Distractions

This is my mind telling me not to do the important stuff and instead get caught up in distractions.There are multiple things at play here - I fear I might miss out on something 'cool' or 'interesting' if I don't read that article on the hot topic of the day. Most probably, it is the simple fact that writing is much more difficult than passive consumption of information. So, how do I deal with it? One skill:

Ignore your mind.

Allow me to elaborate. 

With this new year, did you decide to join a gym or exercise more? May be you decided to eat healthier. Or perhaps, you want to read more. Or…............. Fill it in with whatever you decided to do this year. Although, I didn’t make any this year, I’ve made and broken enough resolutions to know how hard they are to keep.

As the year goes by, we start developing a lackadaisical attitude towards our resolutions, the frequency and intensity of our efforts fades away, and at the end of the year, we are left wondering how it ever came to this. What happened to all the plans we made? I feel, a lot of it has to do with our mind rationalising and giving us reasons to not do the things that matter. 

You wake up in the morning, lying on your bed thinking of going for a run. But, isn’t it too cold outside? And you know, you have to reach office. You don’t feel that great anyways, there's always tomorrow. 

This book you are reading is too boring, let's watch a youtube video instead. 

You want to go out in the city on a photography trip, but it is too much of a pain. Getting off the bed, dressing up, traveling - let's just rest today instead. 

So on and so forth.

Notice what is happening. This is you ‘thinking’ these things. Or more precisely, your ‘mind’ thinking these things for you. It is trying to rationalise why you should not do that hard thing and stick to the easier thing instead. This is what it always does. We are designed to reach towards the thing with the lowest barrier of entry. 

Ignore it. Shut off this rationalisation. Tell your mind and yourself to hold off that thought for a later time and how grateful you would feel after completing this task. In fact stop thinking altogether. Just go do that thing instead. 

Personally, I have found that this is by far the best skill that has worked for me. Every other skill (there were a lot I wanted to talk about), is good but haven’t found them to be useful personally.

To an extent, I have successfully implemented this in my writing habits. This post was written using the same skill. And am now trying to do the same with my running. I just get up, tie my shoes and go. No thinking involved. I push all the thoughts of hunger, tiredness, future engagements (including writing) to the back. 

 

Preparation to practice this skill

1. Ensure that you have actively thought out the benefits of doing that particular task. 

2. Envision yourself at that stage - a leaner body, a new job, more books read - imagine how you’d feel about it.

3. Make sure you know that this resolution of yours is good for you, so that at the time of doing it, you don’t argue with yourself against the benefits of doing it. I had made the decision of creating a running habit in full control and awareness. Having known its benefits, it became easier for me to follow through with it.

 

How to practice this skill

There are just two steps to practice this skill:

1. Notice when you skip an important task to do something less important. Take a note of how your mind convinced you.

2. Ignore that voice in your head. Shut it off completely.  

Like every other skill, this requires practice as well. Sometimes, you will not be able to shut out your mind completely and it will overpower you and make you do things which don't really give you contentment. But, it is OK. It's alright to fail once in a while. Just remember to keep practicing till that resolution of yours becomes a habit and you can leave the crutches of this skill behind. 

If this post helped you stay on track with your resolutions, I'd love to hear it. Add in your comments below.

Mindfulness - An Introduction

“If something’s happening to me, I’d rather be around.”

— Albert Camus

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After coming back from work, I put on some music and stood in the kitchen, peeling off an orange. But, I wasn't really there. My mind was somewhere else, wandering off into the distant world of events past and the What-Could-Haves and What-Should-Bes. Suddenly, I heard the music - really heard it for the first time. And my feet started tapping of their own accord, a smile appeared on my lips and my mind started noticing what was happening. That was such a good feeling.

Mindfulness is being aware of what is happening around you in that particular moment, every moment. It means not ignoring the present in anticipation of the future or in memories of the past. 'Flow' and being 'in the zone' are the same concepts with different names.

All of us have experienced it in some form or the other. Perhaps you are a coder who gets lost in his code when being in the zone. Or while playing a sport, you probably give your best when your focus is on the game and not on some altercation you had with someone. A good movie drowns you in its fantasy world. Or you are texting and it takes a couple of shouts by someone to bring your attention away from your phone. The world fades away, for a brief few moments you lose sense of what is around you. You don't notice how your mind is working but it just does. That is being mindful. 

 

WHY SHOULD YOU CARE ABOUT IT

This moment is your life. The moments to come may or may not be what you imagined. But this moment, right now, will never come back again. 

Be mindful for the simple reason that it makes you attractive to other people - you may not know it - but I observe this for sure. I am automatically attracted towards people who seem in a flow, self assured and thus confident. Being mindful makes your relationships better - wouldn't you rather have a friend actually listening to what you are saying rather than wandering off into the distance? Some of your best work is produced when you are engrossed in it. Food tastes better, music is nicer and conversations are more enjoyable. 

Imagine dipping into ice cream and it melting into your mouth as you imagine the fruits it contains. You really let the tastebuds experience the true joy of feeling the ice cream caressing your tongue. This might seem like a lot at first because you have to train your mind. But, I feel it is a good way to live life. Otherwise, you might arrive at each destination and wonder what's next. I don't recommend it for the sake of finding a deep answer or anything of that sort but for the simple reason that it feels so good. Haven't you experienced it yourself - maybe you are watching a great video and someone calls your name - you totally don't hear that happen, right? Compare it with a situation where you are watching that same video or movie but your mind is somewhere else and you probably don't enjoy it as much. 

You know the times when the mornings seem brighter, sweets sweeter and all that, wouldn't you want to have it all the time?

How to practice mindfulness

The simplest way to be mindful is to actually practice it in your daily life rather than finding a time to do it. Experience the juices of the food that you eat mixing together as they fill up your mouth. Feel the food travelling down your throat drenching it with the superb taste you were craving for. Read a book and imagine the author writing those exact words, scratching, and writing again with his pen on a piece of paper. Imagine his thoughts preceding the line you are just reading. Try it out right now. Let the music fill your ears, notice each different instrument in a song and how they all sound different yet together. Imagine the earth moving down a little as you walk - it really does even though it is a very small amount. Lie down under the open sky with your arms outstretched and feel the earth rotating and revolving at the same time. 

Truly live each moment, be aware of what is happening around you - there is never nothing going on. Take stock of the realities and don't ruin it by imagining the possibility of a bad future. Stop looking for the next kick and try to be at ease with the OK-ness and enough-ness of now. Indulge yourself in the activity at hand completely.

What you have right now is enough at this moment, isn't it? You are surviving, breathing, living life wherever you are. You can't bring time back. So why be lost in the events gone by when you can rather be in the present and enjoy what you have right now. I don't mean ignore the contemplation but choose a deliberate time for it. Bring your wandering mind back into the present, tell it to wait a little longer and finish off the task at hand. 

It isn't easy and probably is a lot of work but it is totally worth it. I can tell - my orange tasted so much better. 

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Doing is a state of being

I have been obsessed with the idea of being for quite some time now. I have spoken about this in some of my posts and have had some understanding of this concept. But, it is only recently that I have realised that I understood it all wrong. 

Poster in a friend’s room. 

Earlier, when I thought of ‘being’ as a concept, I imagined a life where I am not doing anything, just lying around engrossed in my own thoughts and observing the world around me. I did that for some time and enjoyed it. But, soon I realised that this is not the idea of being. Make no mistake, for others, what I just described could be a perfect way of existence, but its just not for me.

For me, ‘Doing’ is a state of ‘Being’. I like being in the midst of action, being aware, making things happen, producing more than consuming. I realised this the hard way when I wasn’t particularly happy with the state of affairs. I procrastinated, dilly dallied on the things that needed to be done. Feeling productive is a great feeling, it almost makes you feel as if your existence has a purpose. And that is why I wrote this post - to remind myself when I am feeling lazy that beyond the laziness, beyond the comfort zone, there is a much better feeling. 

Of course I am saying this right now because my mind seeks conflict. It might happen that after a few months of doing, I might feel like going back to not doing anything and being. But for now, I am good with ‘Doing is a state of being’ principle.

Drive

I drive down to Noida from Gurgaon and back quite often. If you know anything about that route, you would know how perennially congested that route is. The traffic moves painfully slowly and it feels that all the jerks have decided to come onto the road to drive(including me, I guess). Bikes zoom in an out with absolutely no concept of safety whatsoever. When you are driving a car, you curse the bikers and when you drive a bike, you curse the cars. Anyway, I digress.

So, on one such Friday night, I was driving in this God forsaken mess of a traffic and I couldn’t help but smile. You see, THIS is life, every second of it, every moment whether good or bad. It is this particular moment that you are reading this, is your life. It is not tomorrow, not the day that has gone by but right here, right now. Even our brain interprets it that way, it is “science, bitch!" 

More often that, I am grumpy about the traffic. If I meet someone who travels the same route, we talk about it like some long lost friends - a sense of camaraderie emerges. The traffic, hence, takes up more of your life than the travelling time. But it is up to you to choose if you want that to happen.

Sometimes, you can choose what you get from life, at other times you can’t. But, at all times, you can always choose your reaction to it. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to be happy in every moment, but being aware is a good place to start. Just notice that every moment is YOUR life. It is not waiting for you at the end of the road. It is happening right now, every single moment. Smile, you are LIVING :)

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