Yesterday was the first day in a long time when I didn’t have to do anything or be anywhere. It felt good. But, not as good as I felt day before when the anticipation of enjoying the pleasures of unstructured life filled up my heart. I was effusing happiness and it was infectious. Yesterday, it took other people to remind me that I don’t have to report in to work on Monday.
Sometimes the anticipation is more enjoyable than the actual thing. In anticipation, you imagine all the things that you would do and sometimes the reality is good but not great. This happens when you plan a trip. You take stock of all the options available to you, make a list of all the things you would do and you feel happy and excited. But, when you actually go to a vacation, you end up missing out on some of those things for lack of time/money/energy or some other factor.
Overall, I am happy with the way my day has went by. I wanted my actions to be deliberate with whatever I choose to do. I woke up late after a night of debauchery. Cooked a mean breakfast which involved mango shake and veg pakoras. Watched a bit of In the Mood for Love which is an intriguing movie by Wong Kar Wai. If you haven’t watched any of his movies, go ahead and do it right now but go with an appetite for quirk. Then I took a long nap, woke up and ate fruits. I then tied-up my shoelaces and went for a good run. Came back, sipped green tea while reading The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Then I caught up with a friend, helped my roomie put in some new plants in the house and then went for an hour of Snooker. I ended the day with dinner and then finishing up the movie.
Right now, I am at a good place where I am not worried about the future. Although, a lot of people have asked me what I’m going to do and a lot of them expect me to start up again which is hugely inspiring, I am not sure as to what my next step is going to be because I honestly have no idea. In all probability, I’ll take up a job again but this time I’ll be deliberate in choosing where I want to work.
I feel happy, relieved, fulfilled and a little skeptical of my own thoughts. See, even though I am feeling good right now, there will be a time in the future where I will start worrying about what to do next. I want to be prepared for that situation and be courageous enough to look at the man in the mirror and tell him that you have survived for so long and will do no matter what happens.
Meanwhile, I want to spend time doing things that I enjoy and ones that make me feel good. And in case you are still reading this blog tomorrow, you will get to know about it.
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Appreciate your time. Thanks!