TODAY after many weeks, I have the courage, time, and peace of mind—all at the same time—to sit down and write this first line. Now my breakfast is here and I will hopefully resume after that.
That rare day happened two years ago. I had just enough time to write those two sentences. But I did resume after breakfast. What came after is as follows.
I AM BACK. I finished breakfast and managed to come back to write instead of indulging in myriad other distractions - reading a book, smoking a cigarette, watching YouTube Poker videos. Any one of them would have either made me feel better or numbed my mind enough to not care.
To resist the temptation of easy consumption and to write instead is a great feeling. The simple act of writing is filling me with a sensation I experience in a few rare moments*. It is a sublime feeling. I’ll try translating it into words for you.
Imagine yourself inside an air-bubble underwater.
Your breathing is different. It’s neither relaxed nor labored. There is a slight tension like the one you get while listening to jazz. Always on edge, nothing taken for granted.
You can see through the bubble but the view is a little hazy. Like a Monet waterscape.
There is no smell. Nothing touches your skin, you float freely.
You hear something, it’s muffled, it’s there in the background. You feel the sounds much more than hearing them.
The waves ripple, the water moves in harmony with the sounds. Your bubble flows, bobs up and down and sideways. It is twirled around by friendly dolphins.
Sunlight gives it a soft glow.
Inside the bubble, you can do anything that you like. It is your bubble after all. Paint, run, sing, dream, make faces - it will serve all your needs.
People looking in from outside cannot enter. Only other bubble-beings can communicate with you - across time and space. Join your bubble with them if you want, bubble-beings are welcoming as you would have realised by now. But your bubble remains your own. What you do inside it is completely your prerogative.
The bubble breaks. It is a delicate thing. A persistent phone call, an invitation for a drink, a wayward shout - all possible causes of breaking it.
Do not despair. You want to be inside again. But the distractions tempted you - it’s alright. A short life is a bubble’s nature.
The great thing about them is that they keep on coming. If one dies, the other comes to take its place. All you need to do is extend a finger and it will let you in. You have to try. It’s not difficult. There is no huge door to open or latch to unlock or walls to break. Extend your hand and it will let you in.
If you feel afraid to take that leap of faith, remember to trust the bubble and its mechanism. If at first, you sense resistance, try again. That might work. If not, take a break and come back later after doing some non-bubbly things. After an hour, a day, or longer. Just remember to come back.
Remember how you first entered it.
The bubble is all-knowing. Trust the bubble. Gather courage and do it again.
*Deep Immersion Moments from How to Have More Fun at Fun.
Further Reading: If you enjoyed this, then you might also like something else I wrote earlier - Jack’s complete lack of orientation.
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